Dirty Little Secret

Before this January, the last time I’d had a normal period was February, 2004. Between two pregnancies and breastfeeding two kids, it just didn’t happen. And of course I didn’t really miss it.

Almost three years later, Aunt Flo came to town with revenge in her heart. I’d never really had problems with my period, maybe a day of cramps and a compulsion for chocolate. Now all of a sudden I have cramps for days, moodiness and the need for chocolate has turned into an obsession. My period lasts longer, too. Apparently it’s not enough that I have stretch marks, a c-section scar, 30 extra pounds and gray hairs - two pregnancies have also messed with my period.

So when I hear about the new birth control pills that can prevent pregnancy altogether, I shudder. If Aunt Flo is obviously out to get me after ignoring her for not quite three years, what will she do to women who don’t let her visit for ten years? I’m sure it won’t be pretty. Those pills sound great for those of us who won’t ever need our periods anymore, but I wouldn’t recommend them to someone who plans on having kids in the future.

Not that I’m a doctor or anything. Now you’ll have to excuse me, Aunt Flo needs Midol and some Hershey’s Kisses.