I am a member of Meetup.com. It is how I found my mom’s group and my book group - it is basically the source of my entire social life. And though I’ve met some great people through those meetups, I’m still searching for the PERFECT meetup. The one that’s called, “Sarcastic Moms who like to blog, read and watch football, have a tight budget and only fit into their fat jeans.” Or maybe, “Funny Women who are comfortable swearing, drinking beer and wearing sweatpants in public.” Or possibly even, “Smart women who can talk about more than where they shop but still love trashy reality tv.”
So far, no one has started one of these groups. And because I haven’t entirely embraced my dorkiness, I am afraid to start one of these groups for fear that it will be listed and have the dreaded member number (1) next to it.
So I examine the manifestos of other groups, hoping to find another group with semi-compatible people. The newest mom group is The Hip Mamas. “Am I too hip for my mommy friends?” asks the group. Uhh. . .I don’t think so. I’m sure there are a few mommies on farms in Wyoming that I may be too hip for, but generally I’ve given up describing myself as hip. (Is ‘hip’ the cool word again? I had no idea.) Most of the groups that look like fun (besides the other mom groups, of course) are for singles.
So how am I supposed to make friends? Anyone got any ideas? We’ve been here for nearly a year and all I have are acquaintances.
12 responses so far ↓
Dory // February 7, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Had we ended up in the same city, I would totally co-found the Painfully Sarcastic, Blog’ Writin’, Chick Lit Readin’, Cussin’, Sweatpants-wearin’, Beer Drinkin’, Trashy RealityTV Watchin’, Football Lovin’ *gasp* Women’s Group with you.
Country Club Membership Havers Need Not Apply.
LunaNik // February 7, 2008 at 3:39 pm
((hugs)) I have no friends either!!
Ok, so I have friends…but not in my neighborhood. My closest friend just suddenly up and moved to Massachusettes…just like that! One day she was here, the next GONE.
My other two bff’s are too involved with their new found loves to be any good to me.
My only mommy friend is a bit crazy. I love her to death but rarely see her.
Anyways…
What is meetup.com?? I’ma check it out now…
heathersway // February 7, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I think that you may just be my new best friend. Except for the reality tv (and I know we can get past that), I am that person. Having a crisis of conscience though as I realize that the local kids on the High School football team are almost young enough to be my children. Damn those tight shiny pants!
colleen_katana // February 7, 2008 at 5:17 pm
I’ll be your friend! Wait…where do you live? I’m not a mom yet, but I do wear sweatpants in public ALL the time. I also enjoy football, have an extremely tight budget and swear like a sailor. (too cliche? perhaps you prefer swear like a Patriots fan this past Sunday?)
The deal breaker for me….you have to enjoy coffee. Or at the very least, you have to be able to order tea or hot chocolate while I get my coffee fix!
lottifish // February 7, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I feel the same way. I’m not a Mom but most of my friends are either single and love to do the drunken bar thing or preggo. I don’t fit in anywhere right now.
…running to meetup.com to see what it’s all about
Merry // February 7, 2008 at 10:35 pm
See, this is what’s so friggin’ unfair… we women go through these different stages in our lives, and though we love our lifelong girlfriends, if we’re not all on the same schedule, we spend vast parts of adulthood not on the same page… My best friend just got married (I’ve been for 11 years) another friend has one child, but lives in friggin florida… another has one child but lives in Wisconsin… so we all play phone tag and get together rarely… and you have to make some new friends who are also at the same stage as you are (other mommies if you are one, other career women if you are one… etc… ) and those new friends are never the same as your lifelong friends… but your lifelong friends, as cool as they are, don’t necessarily ‘get’ where you’re at… I have two other lifelong friends that are doing the single girl, all men suck thing… they, by the way, are my favorites to hang out with - we laugh and dance and drink and have a good fucking time and no one asks me anything about child raising… it’s beautiful.
My husband, on the other hand, has never had this problem… his friends can be single or not and he’s still the same guy regardless… then again, he doesn’t have to worry about who’s watching the kids - that’s my job…
Let’s make it the man bashing, sarcastic women who wear sweatpants in public, swear, and drink martini’s… you know, except straight…
Leslie // February 7, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Okay…you’ve GOT to read this. This is a personal ad for mommy friends I had posted on my friend Amanda’s blog last year:
Hi! I’m a married mom of one brilliant child looking for someone to chat and eat delicious, preferably chocolate desserts with. The ideal friend will have passion for parenting and a great sense of humor. A love of reality television and a willingness to wear the “st ends” half of a best friends necklace and sing cheesy soft-rock duets in the car with me is a must. Smokers and people who think wolves are the coolest animal ever should not respond.
I’d have to update it for today, but you get the gist.
Finding friends after motherhood is as difficulty as dating. I’ve met some wonderful women through the activities Julia has been in at the YMCA - that’s how our playgroup was formed. But, I’ll be honest, while I have some great friends, I have yet to find the kind I feel like I can TOTALLY BE ME with. I don’t know - is that possible to find as an adult?
jerseygirl89 // February 8, 2008 at 9:56 am
Dory - Maybe we should at least start those groups in our own cities - and see if anyone is cool like us?
LunaNik - It’s so hard to be in different life stages. . .or to be far away from each other. That’s more my problem.
Heathersway - Oh yeah, we are definitely destined to be friends. I felt guilty watching my husband’s cousin’s football team in the state championships last year, but how can you not love those pants?
Colleen - I’m in Jersey. And while I don’t share your love of coffee, I can drink a lot of hot chocolate.
Lottifish - You will probably have more luck on meetup than I did.
Merry - Excellent points about the lifestages thing. I think the worst for me is that most of my friends in KC were finally getting to my stage - or close to it - and then we moved. And you’re so right about guys too - it’s so not fair. I LOVE your group idea. .
Leslie - Great ad. Maybe I should put one on Craigslist? I found a bunch of people, when I lived in KC, that I could totally be me with. But I was single and I had a lot more time/energy to devote to friendships than I do now. Maybe this is something that winds up getting put on hold until our children are older?
kate // February 8, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Where is Jersey are you? We have only lived here (Sussex Cty. - why do all Jersey people talk about where they are from by county?)6 mths & I have made a few mom friends…but it’s definitely slow going. I had joined one meetup.com playgroup - but it was all first time moms of babies under 1 year old when I went…so we didn’t go back.
jerseygirl89 // February 8, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Kate - We’re in Bergen. I think we do the county thing because there are just too many towns to keep track of. The moms groups can be hard to take when you have older kids.
>>> James // February 9, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Great blog!!
really enjoyed reading
thanx
Connie // February 11, 2008 at 3:26 pm
We transplanted to Utah 16 months ago have not found a single friend. I went to a Mom’s Club play date to check it out and was ignored! Flat out ignored.
I have just decided that I am going to put an ad like the one you suggest in on Meet Ups and see what I can come up with.
I can’t be the ONLY friendless Mommy in Ogden!
Thanks for the inspiration!!
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