I often fantasize about jobs that I’m never going to have. I mean, I’m way too lazy (and poor) to go back to school to become a librarian. No one is going to put me on camera on one of those travel shows like Samantha Brown has. And I think my parents would have told me if I was an heiress by now.
But last night I found something I’m pretty qualified for, I think. I was watching Lockup: San Quentin (what? It helps me remember why I can’t run over people who piss me off) and they showed the prison porn checker. Apparently, prisoners can’t have porn or full on nudity so it is someone’s job to go through their mail and remove anything sexually provocative. That means I could get paid to:
a. read other people’s mail, something my nosy little heart would adore and
b. look at porn, something that I find oddly fascinating (though not erotic).
As long as I didn’t have to see any prisoners, or their poor families, it sounds like a great job. And I’d love to see the looks on people’s faces when I wrote “porn checker” under occupation on Ironflower’s school forms.
*In a similar “Jerseygirl watches way too much TV at bedtime” vein, do any of you watch High School Confidential? They followed 12 Kansas girls for four years and turned it into a documentary. Fine. But I’ve only watched a few episodes and in every one, the main girl or a relative gets pregnant at younger than 17. And they only followed 12 girls from an affluent high school! (they keep the name of the school hidden, but I happened to recognize it) Anyone else think abstinence education may not be working?
17 responses so far ↓
Scarlet O'Kara // March 31, 2008 at 6:28 pm
I want Samantha Brown’s job too!
Becky // March 31, 2008 at 7:10 pm
I SO want that job. I’ll wrestle you for it.
Meredith // March 31, 2008 at 7:42 pm
That sounds like it could be a really interesting job. Do you find jobs like that on monster.com?
Jill // March 31, 2008 at 8:02 pm
As intriquing as it might be, I don’t think I want to check out the porn sent to inmates. I’d rather do body cavity searches.
LunaNik // March 31, 2008 at 8:39 pm
As interesting as the Porn Checker position sounds, I think the job should be done away with completely. Anyone who knows men knows that they are much calmer after they blow their load. So I say, let inmates have porn to encourage lots of masturbation. Lots of masturbation means lots of load shooting. Lots of load shooting means lots of sleepy, calm inmates who have no energy to riot or shank each other in the yard. Damn, I should be a warden
Leslie // March 31, 2008 at 10:47 pm
I don’t know why exactly, but this post made me think of that woman in the movie Clerks…”It’s important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That’s why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.”
matteroffactmommy // March 31, 2008 at 11:26 pm
you may watch too much tv, but i guess we’re in the same boat because i have watched lockup on occasion. it’s very interesting - like Oz without all the violence and gay sex… at least not on camera… porn checker is a great occupation and would great on a resume too!
gonna go watch some late-night tv, maybe they’re playing reruns from the weekend…
Cris // April 1, 2008 at 7:28 am
I almost spit out my coffee when I got to the part about how great it would be to put it on the forms at school! Thanks for the laugh!
anglophilefootballfanatic // April 1, 2008 at 8:39 am
I’d love to be Samantha! Not sure about porn checker.
HRH // April 1, 2008 at 8:51 am
You mean that our parents would have told us by now if we were heiresses? Crap. Plan B…
Let me know how the porn checker works out…
AMC // April 1, 2008 at 9:19 am
It’s definitely not working… the abstinence thing.
That sounds like an intriguing job…. I bet after a while you just tell people you work at a prison though. It might get weird if say your grandma asked what new job you got….
Jen // April 1, 2008 at 11:10 am
I would love to be a porn checker! I’m nosy and I enjoy telling people they can’t have things that they want. I wonder if they would let me work out of my home?
colleen_katana // April 1, 2008 at 11:21 am
Yeah, abstinence education…not working so much! Maybe it’s time to teach a little bit about contraceptives too. As controversial as it is, it would be of WAY more value to kids than only learning of one thing…abstinence. When I was in middle school, everyone rolled their eyes when the teacher geared up for “that” talk where grown ups would tell us not to have sex. Ever. Until we were married and even then, only do it to procreate.
jerseygirl89 // April 1, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Scarlet - I will fight you for it - as soon as we get rid of her!
Becky - Then you’ll win. How about a job share instead?
Meredith - Teehee. But there are NEVER cool jobs on monster.com.
Jill - Well, you can do that and we can have lunch together and see whose morning was more shocking.
LunaNik - Actually, I agree with you. When you become warden can you find me some other equally intriguing job?
Leslie - I love that movie - great line. Although I think I’d rather be a porn fluffer than an animal fluffer.
Matteroffactmommy - I miss Oz. Lockup is a poor substitute, but it’s still kinda interesting.
Cris - Glad you liked it - maybe I should write it on forms anyway?
AFF - I love you, but I can’t really see you as a porn checker.
HRH - Well, maybe your parents are still waiting, I just know that mine aren’t - I’m really not an heiress. So depressing.
AMC - Even saying “work at the prison” would have been enough to freak my Grandma out.
Jen - Oh my God, then it would be the perfect job. Seriously.
Colleen - At my school they talked about birth control. And you know what? Only 2 girls got pregnant the entire time I was there.
LifeAsIKnowIt // April 1, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Sounds like the perfect job!
anne // April 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Way back before texting, operators had to type in the text when people sent text to a phone or pager. After college I did this for awhile. Most of my conversations ended in, “sir (or ma’am), I can’t send that. I am bound by FCC regulations. The best I can do is PG13.” It was fun for the first three days.
stephanie // April 1, 2008 at 5:56 pm
What a fabulous job, you’re right. The supreme beauty would indeed be telling others what you do…
And abstinence education? Yeah. How would they feel if I only taught the Southern point of view regarding the Civil War? Doesn’t make much sense to only know some facts but not others.
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