Imagine that you see a tallish person wearing a teased wig. The person has orangey-red lipstick and eyeliner that looks like it was done with a Sharpie. The person is wearing black pants with gold pinstripes, a tight black t-shirt and a black jacket with rhinestone buttons and a fur collar. Clear plastic heels adorn the person’s feet.
Now imagine that you are seeing this person walk into the playground where your children are playing.
Do you think, OMG, there’s a drag queen at the park! Maybe she’ll want to be friends and I won’t have to hear the tenth birth story of the morning! Maybe we can go to a gay club over the weekend - I’ve so missed them. What will I wear?
Maybe that’s just me.
But wouldn’t you get a little bit of a thrill if a drag queen (and his/her grandchild) showed up at the playground when you were bored to tears?
Now imagine that as you get into a conversation with said drag queen, you realize that she has no Adam’s apple. And her voice sounds naturally high-pitched. And the child calls her, “Grandma”. And to your horror you realize that this “drag queen” you wanted to befriend is just a woman with really, really, bad style.
Do you still attempt to make friends with her, or do you casually wave as you go to your car?
At least I smiled as I waved.
20 responses so far ↓
Jennifer // April 17, 2008 at 9:55 am
Ha! So I guess you two are going shopping together this weekend?
ellinghouse // April 17, 2008 at 10:13 am
totally have to be friends! She could provide hours of entertainment!
anglophilefootballfanatic // April 17, 2008 at 10:15 am
Oh, that’s too funny. I was still wondering about a drag queen grandparent.
Wig? Orange? Ugh. Seriously needing to call Stacy & Clinton on her!
Meredith // April 17, 2008 at 10:17 am
That’s funny! That hasn’t happened to me yet, but there’s a person that lives in my parents’ neighborhood that they call Man-Boob. I think it’s just an unfortunate looking woman, but my parents are convinced it’s a man who is changing over.
Miss Johnson // April 17, 2008 at 11:21 am
Too funny! It’s kind of sad for her that the first thought you had was not grandmother…but drag queen! On the other hand, maybe in your sedate neighborhood, you were wishing for a little Midtown KC!
Connie // April 17, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Maybe at one time that was her best outfit. At least you smiled AND waved! It is more than some people would do.
Karly // April 17, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I’m having a hard time picturing a GRANDMA in clear plastic heels. Thats just wrong.
feener // April 17, 2008 at 1:46 pm
jersey grandmas are the best. she might make a mean gravy !!!
Worker Mommy // April 17, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Oh good gawd woman you sure are funny!
“Grandma” reminds me of a time when I was interviewing a candidate for an Executive assistant position. This chick had dark purple eyeshadow practically up to her eyebrows. Then that lovely dark shadow was topped with some frosty purple shadow reaching her eyebrows. Her lip liner made these two pointy triangles on top of her mouth. I don’t know about you but the top of my mouth is a bit more round.
Ha just thinking of her now makes me laugh. I had trouble taking her seriously. I just couldn’t take my eyes off her crazy makeup
Kathryn // April 17, 2008 at 3:32 pm
You are freaking hilarious!
Thanks for the book recommendation in your previous post. I think I might check it out for curiosity’s sake.
Becky // April 17, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I’d make friends with “her” and pretend that “she” was a drag queen. It would make me feel better about myself.
matteroffactmommy // April 17, 2008 at 4:30 pm
smile and nod.
jerseygirl89 // April 17, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Jennifer - Well, I bet she could get me out of my yoga pants phase.
ellinghouse - That’s definitely true.
AFF - I think she might be beyond Stacy and Clinton - however, feel free to call them on me.
Meredith - I need to go to the park nearest your parents’.
Miss Johnson - I think I’m definitely missing mid-town!
Connie - I always feel the need to be very friendly to the weird, possibly because I feel guilty for finding them so weird.
Karly - They had rhinestones, too. Does that make it clearer?
feener - I just can’t picture this woman in a kitchen.
Worker Mommy - Thanks - maybe this potential assistant and grandma read the same fashion magazines!
Kathryn - It was an interesting book. And thank you.
Becky - You mean like pretend I’m still cool enough to have drag queen friends?
matteroffactmommy - That’s usually what I do with the Prada moms.
wordvixen // April 17, 2008 at 7:25 pm
OMG- your comment thingy just said “You are posting comments too quickly. Slow Down.”!
I was just saying that a grandma with those style issues just might be more fun than a drag queen. Offer to buy her a shot, and if she accepts, you know you’ve hit gold.
jerseygirl89 // April 17, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Wordvixen - You make an excellent point. And she probably wouldn’t try to it on Hubby, which all my drag queen friends have.
Cris // April 17, 2008 at 8:49 pm
OMG that was funny!
I have to admit, all I could think as I was reading it was that it wasn’t a drag queen, but a joisey grandma!
CC // April 17, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Hey, great observation about the lack of Adam’s apple!
Travis Erwin // April 18, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Least she was different. You’re wishing for some excitement at the park reminds me of the Tom Perrotta novel Little Children. They mad ea movie as well but it wasn’t nearly as good.
LunaNik // April 21, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I would INSTANTLY befriend her. Seriously. She would make me look normal…or guilty by association…
HRH // April 22, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Oh my! That is hysterical. I do love to see bad fashion at the park though, so I probably would have waved as well…
Leave a Comment