Dirty Little Secret

I was reading American Baby magazine last night (hey, it’s free and sometimes it has good articles. . . and it was the only thing left in the bathroom). I can’t remember which article I was reading when I read the words “My son, Svatopluk . . .”. I put the magazine down. I figured I was too tired to read. Surely I had misread. But I couldn’t get the thought of “Svatopluk” out of my head. After washing up, I cautiously opened the magazine again.

It was still there. “My son, Svatopluk. . .”. Now, I am not naive in the world of unique names. I taught in a . . .um. . financially challenged neighborhood for eight years. I have had students named Dejiab (pronouced Daysha), Marcia (pronounced Mar-see-a), Keng Kong (I lived in the mid-west, it sounded the same as the movie character here), Power, Precious and Quindelliam.

But Svatopluk? I continued reading. It was really just a short quote from a woman in Oregon whose Czech husband used songs to calm their son down. Maybe Svatopluk is a common name in the Czech Republic. Maybe it’s their version of Aidan or something. But this child is not going to grow up in the Czech Republic, he’s going to grow up in Oregon. And while kids today are much more easygoing about non-traditional names then kids were in my generation, I can’t believe that Svatopluk isn’t going to raise any comments.

Why would you do that to your child? I resented my mother calling me Jennifer, as there were at least 3 of us in every class I was ever in. I’m going to call her and apologize for complaining as soon as I finish this blog.
What’s the worst name you’ve ever heard? I never used to be able to answer that question with just one name. But now I can. Svatopluk. Anyone agree?

baby nameschildren

My son has a huge bruise on his forehead. He whacked his head on the floor hard enough to leave a bruise. I would feel bad about this, if he had fallen or run into a table or something. But the little bugger whacked his head on the floor ON PURPOSE.

Seeing as he’s only 13 months old, I hugged him and soothed him anyway. He really is an adorable and engaging child, unless he’s pissed off. On this particular occasion, I had the audacity to sit him down on the floor so I could make lunch. Zachary wanted to be held, or to eat immediately. With those options not available, he whacked his head on the floor.

He does this every few days or so, though not usually hard enough to leave a bruise. I have talked to pediatricians and grandmas about this and all they say is, “He’s a boy.” No one seems surprised that when my son is confronted with the normal frustrations of toddler life, he whacks his head on the floor.

Does this explain why men can’t remember things like anniversaries or where the diaper bag is? Is it because they’ve all damaged the memory part of the lobe during toddlerhood?

toddlers

or maybe people could at least expect their children to behave appropriately to other children. Today we visited a playground in Ridgewood, N.J. It’s the one at Vet’s field on Maple Avenue, for anyone local. And I am pissed. Maybe it’s my years of teaching, my classes in developmental psychology or the fact that I realize that other children use the playground (and they have feelings too!) but I can’t believe the way some people let their children behave.

I can’t decide whether these parents are merely clueless about their children’s behavior (they do seem to spend a lot of time ignoring them) or whether they just don’t care about how their children behave towards others. Either way, here are a few suggestions (please feel free to pass this on to any parents you know).

PLAYGROUND ETIQUETTE 101

For Children:
1. Dirt and bark should stay on the ground.
2. The proper response for knocking over another child is, “I’m sorry.”
3. Pushing smaller children out of the way does not make it your turn.
4. If another adult asks you to stop doing something, you should stop doing it.

For Parents:
1. When your child hurts another child, both of you need to apologize. Or at least care.
2. It is not okay for your child to throw dirt and bark on the slides or on the other children.
3. Your child needs to learn what turns are. It is your responsibility to make sure that s/he takes them.
4. Other parents should not have to ask your child to stop hitting/pushing/throwing, that’s your job.
5. Your adult conversation, no matter how desperately you need to have one, should not take precedence over parenting your child.

Can you imagine what these children will be like as teenagers? Hmmmmm. . . rude bullies maybe? The kind that push violent loners over the edge?

parenting
children’s behavior

My Dad keeps sending me articles from the Wall Street Journal about modern parenting. Apparently, my toddlers should be in language classes, music classes and Little Gym. They should have a $1200 swing set and a climbing wall in the basement. And we should be saving up to take them on safari.

Look, I wish we had the swing set and I’m looking into music classes (though I’m really not going to worry much about extra-curricular activities until they are actually following a curriculum). But we’re not going a safari. Even if I win the Lottery.

The Wall Street Journal interviewed parents who took their elementary school-aged kids on African safaris, vacations to Hong Kong and Panama and camping in the Brazilian rainforest. It even listed resources for “Adventure Travel with Kids” - and medical warnings.

Helloooooooooooo? These are the same parents who make their kids where helmets, who make sure playground floors are comfortable enough to sleep on, who complain if a teacher marks their child’s paper in red (yes, this is true, most school districts do not allow teachers to correct in red anymore), who spend their lives making sure their children suffer no consequences or disappointments. . .but they’re willing to shell out thousands of dollars to take their children places that lack safe drinking water and medical facilities?

I believe in travel. I think children should experience the world around them - and not just the sanitized Disney version (though I can’t wait until my kids are old enough to appreciate Disney World). We even travelled to Alaska last summer - with a 19 month old and a 4 month old. But I believe that one of the best things about having kids is encouraging their sense of wonder - at even the simplest things. For most kids, a (reasonable) ride in an airplane is almost as good as the destination. What are 7 year olds who have seen tigers up close going to wonder about anymore? What’s going to be exciting and wonder-ful to ten year olds who have canoed down the Amazon?

But setting aside safety and spoiling concerns, I still have a problem. One of the parents in the article suggested that, “You can’t save the world unless you know what’s in it.” I agree with that, theoretically. But shouldn’t we start with our own country anyway? Have the kids whose parents are showing off ever more fantastical vacations ever been to a farm? Have these kids been to New York City and compared it to Kansas City? Have these kids walked on a glacier in Alaska? Have they been to the Grand Canyon? To Gettysburg? To Washington D.C.? To Mount Rushmore? To a working cider mill? To a rocky beach in Oregon? To a smooth beach in Florida? To New Orleans? To the Freedom Trail? To Las Vegas? To Santa Fe? To Iowa City (I’m not kidding, it’s a wonderful town)?

Before we can ask our children to save our world, we need them to save our country. And if we raise them to think that there’s not much in our country worth seeing, what are we teaching them? They’re not going to save something they don’t respect.

Sorry kids, you’re going to have to go on Safari on your own time. This summer we’re hitting the Jersey shore, Ohio, Illinois and Kansas.

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The life of a stay-at-home mom is not what you could call glamorous. Of course, neither was my job as an elementary school teacher. And it’s not that I don’t love being at home with my kids (or didn’t love my students) but sometimes I think, where did I go wrong?
I watch the Travel Channel a lot. It started when my oldest was a newborn and did not like it when I read during breastfeeding. So I started watching TV. And I discovered the show “Great Hotels”. Samantha Brown gets to travel the country and stay in fabulous hotels. Now she has another show where she gets to travel Europe and stay in fabulous hotels. It’s not even like my life of travelling, where staying at Holiday Inn is a big splurge. According to the credits (yes, I am obsessed enough to read the credits) she writes the shows as well. So she gets to travel for free and write. And I assume there’s a salary on top of that (although I would do it for free, should any network honchos be reading). How did she get that job? Did I miss something at my college career fair? Because I’m sure I would’ve signed up for that seminar.
I wish I could be Samantha Brown. Just for a week. Or maybe two. I want to know what it’s like to have a cool job, because I don’t think I’ve ever had one. You can say a lot of wonderful things about mommying and teaching, but I don’t think anyone would come up with “cool”.

I spent twelve years teaching other people’s children. I taught preschool for a year and then spent eleven years teaching elementary school. With a very few (two actually) exceptions, I have liked all of my students. I always saw myself as a person who likes children.

I wasn’t disabused of this notion until I started taking my children to the park. Last summer and fall, we went to the park nearly every day. Two or three times a week I would meet children I absolutely did not like. They would push my toddler down, nearly knock my stroller over, thrown dirt and rocks all over the climbing equipment, push each other and yell obscenities. None of these children ever apologized. . . and neither did their parents.

As a former elementary school teacher, I sometimes have trouble keeping my mouth shut around misbehaving children. But when attentive and responsible parents are around, I don’t have to restrain myself - the parents make the children stop the inappropriate behavior. Unfortunately, I don’t meet those parents that often.

Yesterday we went to the play area at the mall. The area is for children five and under - and it’s not that exciting for five year olds. But there were a bunch of seven year olds there. Running around, knocking other kids down, pushing, hitting, etc. The mom in charge of them didn’t say anything to them or to their victims. She didn’t say anything until after I told the wild pack that they couldn’t run around like that in a small space made for little kids. I explained to them that they might get hurt (one had just tripped over a man’s feet and done a nosedive) and that they might someone else.

This inspired the mom to get up - “Did you tell them that they couldn’t play?”

“No, I told them they couldn’t play like that anymore because it wasn’t safe. There are a lot of toddlers here who can’t get out of their way. Also, one of them just tripped and landed face first.”

“Oh, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t tell them that they couldn’t play.”

WHAT???????????????? Lady, your kids are obviously terrorizing the other kids here and none of the other parents will talk to you and you’re worried about what I might have said?

I didn’t say that, though. I just began talking to my daughter, praising her for taking turns on the slide. The other mom walked away to talk to the gentleman who her son had tripped over.

Soon after that she and her darlings left.