Making Life Better

As we all know, I am not a domestic goddess. I am not even a domestic demi-goddess. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the term “domestic” shouldn’t even be applied to me. But apparently this whole mom gig demands domestic tasks, especially when your husband keeps going out of town and you cannot afford help. Though I do mooch off of my own mother as much as possible, since she really is a domestic goddess.

Since someday my own children may need me to feed their adult palates (they will develop tastes beyond chicken nuggets, right? RIGHT?), I’ve been toying with the idea of learning to cook a few grown-up meals. Then House Hunters comes on, and I forget. But Unilever, maker of Ragu, Lipton, Skippy, Hellmann’s and loads of other products, has come along to remind me. They have a new site called Making Life Better, which has tons of domestic goddess tips. Including recipes, some of which don’t seem too daunting. Especially since you can watch some of them being made on YouTube. Though I am confused by the burger recipes. Aren’t they just ground beef?

They also have health and beauty tips, with which I am much more comfortable (I used to take really good care of myself. I even had cute hair.) And parenting tips. And sweepstakes to win free groceries. And coupons. (Odd but true: I can’t cook but I do embrace grocery shopping. As long as I don’t have to bring all three kids with me.) The whole point, of course, is to Make Life Better. It’s sort of like reading a more interactive women’s magazine, which I like. (Even though my feminist sensibilities bristle at the idea of all this being “women’s” stuff, as if only women care about cooking and parenting. But that’s another post.)

Thanks to Mom Central for introducing me to Making Life Better.

The Chocolate War

Chocolate was not a problem for me until I got pregnant. I mean, I liked it. I wasn’t mentally ill, for God’s sake. But it wasn’t a compulsion, like french fries. Then I got pregnant and I became an addict. I had high hopes the addiction would fade away after my pregnancy, like my swollen feet. Instead, the chocolate problem was more like my now straighter and darker hair – permanent.

I’ve tried to fight it. But since I have the willpower of a two year old, that hasn’t been successful. I’ve tried to indulge it. But since I still have to wear my maternity jeans, that hasn’t exactly been successful either. I’ve tried low calorie versions of chocolate. But since I am picky, I have only recently been successful.

I’ve discovered Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. They are really, really good. Not expensive chocolate truffles from Belgium good, but pint of chocolate ice cream good. And they’re much less fattening than eating a pint – or even a serving – of ice cream. Chocolate wafers, cookies and cream ice cream (there are other flavors like strawberry, vanilla and mint, not that I’ve tried them) . . . for less than 200 calories.

Thanks to Mom Central, maybe someday I’ll be able to wear my real jeans again.

Mama Said

I remember the first time it happened. I was at the doctor’s office for Ironflower’s six month check up. I was so proud of my happy baby girl. She was such a good sleeper and so personable. I was sure the pediatrician would be as impressed as I was.

Of course she wasn’t.

Worse than unimpressed, however, was the fact that she was concerned. My girl wasn’t gaining weight as quickly as she had been. I had to come back in a month for a weight check. In the meantime, I was to get her to eat more. I tried to get her eat more, but it didn’t help. And even though her height was fine and she was happy and had met all of her developmental milestones, the next appointment was even worse. She hadn’t gained enough weight. The message that I was doing something wrong was loud and clear. We spent another month putting formula into her baby food and offering her ice cream. The doctor still wasn’t happy and sent us to a nutritionist at the children’s hospital. Who took one look at Ironflower and pronounced her fine. She suggested using real food instead of baby food (apparently there is little nutritional value in baby food, it’s merely practice food) but that was it. Our daughter was just skinny. We hadn’t done anything wrong. And even though I had suspected that all along (in between bouts of terror that she had some horrible disease), it was nice to be reassured. We then switched pediatricians.

Not that that was the last time an expert failed me.

This is why I like Mamapedia. Had I been more of an internet junkie then, I could have found moms who had been through the same thing. Moms who wanted to give me advice, but whose advice I could read at my leisure and dismiss or take without affecting a friendship. Mamapedia is a compendium of all local Mama Source articles and advice, so you can get advice specific to your area or get advice from moms across the country. There are categories or you can search for specific terms. And it’s free.

I love it when Mom Central turns me on to helpful websites.

Not About Me

Reading parenting books reminds me of cleaning the bathroom.

I’ll procrastinate until the issue is too big to ignore. I’ll hate doing it. There will be a lot of guilt.

But when I’m done I feel better.

And so it was with Out of the Mouths of Babes, Parenting from a Child’s Perspective. Written by Dyan Eybergen, a registered nurse and mom of three boys, it’s not so much prescriptive as descriptive, which made it more appealing (to me, anyway) than most parenting books.

But still. I felt the guilt while reading it. Not the author’s fault. She’s very kind and positive. Like you could have tea with her (I didn’t say beer on purpose. I don’t think she’s a beer person. But I like her anyway.) and tell her how your kids were driving you batty and she would give you thoughtful, kind advice. And my issue – whenever I hear advice – is always to wonder why I didn’t think of it. And to reflect about what else I’m doing wrong. And. . . .

Sorry. Technically this post is not about me.

Anyway, the book really looks at parenting from the child’s point of view. It explains how children perceive things and discusses how to use that knowledge to effectively raise your children. There are stories and quotes from the author and her children and wonderful strategies for dealing with discipline, toilet training and sleeping issues.

I also liked how the author showed that she wasn’t a perfect saint, something you don’t often read in parenting books. She talks about mistakes and how she and her husband learned from them. But my favorite thing about the book was the quotes from the kids, which are interspersed through the book. Some of them actually made me laugh out loud, which I’m pretty sure I’ve never done while reading an advice book.

Go Vote. Or Define “Old”.

It’s now official. I am old.

Sure, I felt old when I turned 30. And 35. And was told to vote for a date for my 20th high school reunion. . .THIS YEAR.

There’s also the gray hairs. The songs from my youth being played on the Muzak at a department store. The fact that ripped jeans are finally back in style, but none of my old ones fit me anymore.

But for some reason, all of this pales in comparison to the fact that I am about to sign Ironflower up for soccer. Nothing has made me feel as old as this. I suppose it’s the idea that only big kids play soccer, so if I have a kid old enough to play soccer. . .

Or maybe it’s just that all this coincided with a new wrinkle in my forehead. Not that I’m vain enough to look for wrinkles or anything. I just happened to notice it while I was religiously moisturizing this morning.

Anyway, Ironflower. Soccer. Wow.

Of course, I can’t not sign her up for soccer. Not only is she dying to try it, I’m pretty sure it’s a requirement to live around here. Every town if filled with lovely, perfectly maintained sports fields. So I have to accept my oldness and fill out the paperwork. Because we should really take advantage of the fact that our town of six thousand people (most of whom don’t actually play soccer) has twelve well-maintained soccer fields. Approximately.

Lots of towns don’t. And if you’d like to help some town’s sports fields get makeovers, go to the Plant A Seed site and vote for one. You can search for fields near you, or by sport. You can vote once a day between now and May 31st. Then everyone can get that old feeling while signing their kid up for soccer!

Brought to you by Mom Central. And my issues about getting old.

I’m Actually Having A Give-Away

Ironflower has never been a big eater. When I went back to work when she was three months old, I only pumped once a day. I had to lock my classroom door and put up a sign, and sit there for most of my lunch, pumping with one hand and eating with the other. I missed talking to my colleagues. I hated the fact that I just had to sit there because I didn’t have enough hands to read as well (I did not teach in the kind of district that had TVs in each classroom, nor had Hulu been created yet). I spent three months staring at the world map to entertain myself. And I despised pumping.

Not only did it ruin my lunch period (and if you spent every morning trying to teach 24 hyperactive 6 year olds to read, you would value your lunches too), it was uncomfortable. Nursing was (and still is) easy for me. I rarely leak, my nipples only hurt after being bitten (why is it that we’re supposed to nurse for a year but the little buggers start practicing biting at six months?) and I make plenty of milk. But pumping is a totally different story. I don’t make a lot of milk for the machine, nor did I fit into my old one. I quit teaching the summer after Lovebug was born and I gleefully threw my pump in the closet. It didn’t even make the move.

I didn’t buy one for ChunkyMonkey. I saw no harm in letting him have formula for the rare occasions I wasn’t around. Except that he hated formula. All kinds of formula. In all kinds of bottles. Still, I didn’t want to buy a pump. Because I’m cheap. And I didn’t want to borrow a pump or buy one from Craigslist. Because that seemed weird to me. So I was just resigned to being with ChunkyMonkey pretty much all the time. Or hearing about how terrible he was whenever I left.

And then Mom Central said that Evenflo had a new breastpump that I could try for free, eliminating most of my pump issues in one swoop. The Comfort Select Performance Dual Auto-Cycling Breast Pump showed up on my doorstep, with it’s more effective cycles and BPA-free materials and stable bottle stand. I still don’t love pumping – who does? But now I can actually stand it. I am only sorry that I didn’t have this when I had Ironflower, because then I would have actually gotten to eat lunch after pumping.

But Mom Central didn’t just send me one pump – they sent me TWO. One is for me to GIVE AWAY to one lucky reader. You will get a great pump and four boxes of breast pads (two boxes were supposed to be for me, but I never have to use them. Go ahead and hate me.) IF you leave a comment here by midnight on Friday, May 1st. I will announce the winner Saturday. I will email the winner

Even if you’re not breastfeeding, it’s still worth entering the contest. I mean, how cool would it be to give this awesome breast pump at the next baby shower you attend?

Like Toilet Paper, But Not

Long before the nation’s economy began to tank, the budget at Chez Jersey got pretty tight. Something about moving to one of the nation’s most expensive areas (No, for real. That “Real Housewives of New Jersey” that’s starting in May? It was filmed in this county. Though I have never, ever seen any of the women nor have I seen them filming anywhere I frequent. I guess the taqueria’s 2 for 1 Taco Night doesn’t appeal to Bravo.) really cramped my name brand grocery shopping style.

Coupons weren’t enough. So I tried generic. In some cases, such as with ibuprofen and apple juice, I didn’t notice a difference. In other cases, like toilet paper, I discovered that commercials don’t always lie. Generic toilet paper is NOT a good money saving strategy, just FYI. I’ll let you imagine how I know that for sure.

Anyway, another place where I still buy name brand is mouthwash. Specifically, Listerine. Mom Central and Johnson’s recently gave me the newest product for free, which was perfect because I was totally out of coupons and Hot Guy and I seem to get along better when we have Listerine. Possibly because we can cuddle without me feeling faint. Anyway, we have now tried the Total Care, which is a pretty pale purple color.

It fights bad breath, kills cavities, restores enamel, strengthens teeth, fights plaque above the gum line and freshens breath. Also, it doesn’t taste like Jaegermeister, which is usually my problem with mouthwash. I think it’s quite possible that their next product will floss for you as well. So in my bargain shopper opinion, Listerine is totally worth the name brand price. Like toilet paper. But tastier.

I Wonder If I Could Still Get One?

So when I was in college I got my first credit card. It didn’t occur to me to wonder why someone would hand my a credit card when my only job consisted of baby-sitting for cash. All I saw was the pretty picture of my university and the route to Tower Records. So my first introduction to credit cards did not go well.

Or rather, I didn’t handle it well. I’ve never had a lot of financial maturity. (Still don’t. Please click on some of my links. Thanks.) And while I’m a little . . .ahem. . .old to blame any of my problems on my teenage years, I think that my years of complete financial ignorance didn’t exactly help. So when Mom Central mentioned a new credit card for teenagers, my first instinct was fear. For them. And for me someday, as I dealt with three credit card happy teenagers.

But then I read the fact sheet on the Current by Discover Card. And I found out that it helps teens and their parents track spending and sends out alerts. Parents can set limits and even load the Current card from their own Discover Card. Parents get cashback bonuses and miles that way and teens get online discounts.

Best of all, Discover is sponsoring the Money Smarts Program to teach financial literacy to high school juniors and seniors. So they don’t wind up like me – forever in credit card debt.

One Worry Down, 1,298,309 To Go

I’m sure there’s a pill for this nowadays, but my grandma would have called it, “borrowing trouble”. Since I don’t seem to have enough to worry about keeping my preschoolers and infant safe, healthy, happy, polite, intelligent and kind, I sometimes think about future problems. Like what I’ll do when Ironflower gets a tattoo and her father flips out. Or what will happen when Lovebug discovers girls.

Mostly, though, it’s fears of what will come before all that. Like the internet. Right now my kids think the internet is for watching Santa travel the world and music videos. Sometimes we play games on Noggin, but only when I’m feeling especially guilty about something, as I’m an only child and have a hard time sharing my laptop. But I know that this won’t last for much longer and it scares me.

I mean, sure the computers will be in plain view and not in their rooms. And sure I’ll look over their shoulders just enough to drive them crazy. But I sincerely doubt that’ll be enough. So I was thrilled (and, just as important, relieved) when I heard about Norton Online Family.

Norton Online Family lets you check on everything your kids are doing online – what they’re searching for, where they’ve been, what they’re doing on social networking sites. It will prevent your kids from sharing personal information. It will email you alerts about what your child is doing. It has no stealth mode, so it’s an honest contract between parents and kids. It will even manage your kids’ time on the computer so they don’t spend hours taking ridiculous quizzes on Facebook (er, maybe I should put the program on the laptop now, just to test it out, of course). You set it up once and then can customize each family member’s profile, so your spouse doesn’t have to know how many “work” hours you spend sending flair on Facebook. Um, not that I do that.

Anyway, Norton Online Family makes me feel much better about my worry of the kids on the internet someday.

Too bad Norton doesn’t make a potty training program.

Just Do It

When I watch the news I get depressed. Especially lately. And let’s not talk about how I feel when I look at our bank account. So when I first heard about Mom Central’s deal with the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus, I wasn’t sure if I should write about it. Because is now REALLY the time to be going to the circus? Aren’t we all broke?

And then I remembered how much I LOVED the circus as a child and how happy the spectacle had always made me. And I thought maybe now is the PERFECT time to go to the circus. With the code “MOM”, you can get 4 tickets for $44 – which is pretty much the same as going to the movies around here. But way more fun. So if you leave in one of these cities:

Newark/East Rutherford/Uniondale/NYC
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
March 5 – April 13
Offer not valid on performances from April 10 – 13 at Madison Square Garden

Washington D.C./ Fairfax, VA/ Baltimore, MD
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
March 18-April 19

Philadelphia
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
May 13-May 25

Phoenix
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
June 24-June 28

Houston
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 15-July 26

Anaheim/LA/Ontario
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
July 8-August 2

San Francisco
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 12-August 23

Dallas/Ft Worth
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 29-August 16

Sacramento
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 27-August 30

Kansas City
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
September 16-September 20

Get your tickets at Ticketmaster.com. Take your (or borrow some if you don’t have any) kids to the circus and remember that this is America, dammit. Things won’t suck forever.