Dirty Little Secret

Ironflower needs to bring heart-shaped Jello jigglers to her class party tomorrow. Fortunately, Hubby is home and will be able to create them this evening. But still. This is one of the things “requested” by her teacher. In addition to red grapes, 100% juice in juice boxes, cookies and heart themed plates and napkins. Naturally, the other class mom is making the cookies herself.

Homemade party contributions are quite normal here in Stuck-up, both at preschools and elementary schools. Which makes me know I’m living in an alternative universe. When I did my student teaching in a nice but urban school in Portland, no one was allowed to bring in homemade treats. Ditto the nice Seattle suburb I taught in next. When I taught in Kansas City, Kansas (yes, it’s a real city - just across the river from Kansas City, Missouri - and it’s, um, VERY urban) no one even asked me if they could bring in homemade treats.

When I taught in KCK, I no more would have asked for a list of specific treats than I would have asked for people’s ATM passwords. If they had bank accounts. I mean, I was just happy when families sent party treats in at all. Hell, I even bought the juice boxes.

I was struck again by the alternative universe thing when I saw a mom toting in Valentine treat bags yestereday. Not only will her son be passing out Valentines to the class, but all the kids will also get an adorable treat bag. Ironflower and I are even going to be hand making of all our Valentines. In KCK, I used to buy extra Valentine cards just to make sure that all kids got to hand some out.

Thinking about what will be going on at Ironflower’s party tomorrow, where several moms will try to outdo each other in the adorable treat bag category and all of the made to order treats will be there in excess, makes me want to go back to my old school and hand each kid a fancy treat bag. Preferably treat bags from the already filled with treats kids at Ironflower’s school. That doesn’t make me a communist, does it?

OMG, there’s an official crazy lady in Stuck-Up.

You’d think after living here for nearly 11 months that I would have discovered the crazy lady already, but apparently not. Last night was the first time I’ve had the pleasure. Of course, I would say that there are tons of unofficially crazy people in Stuck-Up - the people with their Christmas decorations still up, the women who wear fur coats and sweat pants, the parents who have their five year olds in 7 activities - but you don’t normally see the typically urban type of crazy here. You know, the kind of crazy person who wears odd clothing and talks to him or herself in public. (Because we all talk to ourselves when we’re alone, right? RIGHT?)

Until we moved here, I’d spent the last 18 years living and/or working in an urban area. So I got sort of used to crazy homeless people and odd fellow store patrons. And until I met the woman last night, I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed seeing crazy people. I’m not sure whether they just make me feel better about myself (as in, my hair could be worse!) or whether I just like to be reminded of the world beyond my own petty problems.

So last night I went out to get a treat for the small people that live here. And there, right in front of me, was a woman in a black wig, sunglasses and four coats. One of which was a lovely Burberry trench coat. It didn’t quite match the down vest she had on underneath. She also appeared to have zinc oxide on her lips. I loved her immediately. Although I admit my love did shrink a bit when she cut in front of me to chat with the cashier. And I do mean chat - she wasn’t ready to purchase anything yet. Finally she wandered away so that I could order. The cashier let me know that she actually LIVES IN STUCK-UP! Apparently she only visits the local businesses at night (probably why I’ve never seen her, considering my night life only exists on my computer). She LOVES to hang out and chat but gets visibly upset if she is asked to step aside for a paying customer. She was very nice to me, though. At least, from what I could follow of the conversation.

There’s a part of me, of course, that feels bad for this lonely woman. Who was obviously cared for but not talked to. But the other part of me is relieved to find a crack in Stuck-Up’s Stepford facade. There are people stranger than we are living in Stuck-Up. Who knew?

I haven’t spent a January here in Stuck-Up since I was 17. The weather hasn’t changed (oh where are you, Global Warming?). The amount of people with lift tickets hanging from their parkas hasn’t changed. The number of people with luxury cars hasn’t changed. But apparently the rules on Christmas decorations have.

It used to be that people who left their decorations up after January 6th were considered trashy. And people who continued to put their lights on after that date? REALLY trashy.

Now here it is a month after Christmas and tons (no, really, TONS) of people still have their decorations up. And some of them are still putting their lights on too.

Look, I like holiday decorations as much as the next person. But the holidays are OVER. And I’m pretty sure wreaths with red bows haven’t become the new in Valentine’s Day decoration. I can’t figure out what’s going on. It’s not as if the houses with the decorations are the (few) houses in disrepair. I guarantee that some of these houses appraise for over a million dollars. Even now. So WTF?

The only thing I can figure out (other than that a huge contingent of very trashy people all came into money at the same time and chose to move here instead of Florida) is that these people are waiting for their Christmas decoration services to come and take them down. I guess if you pay people to put your decorations up they are supposed to take them down. And you don’t take them down yourself, no matter how many months go by?

Or, quite possibly, all of those people I called trashy in my youth had lots of children. Who all make a lot more money than we do and want to torment me by making their beautiful homes look trashy.

What’s your opinion on the decoration timeline? And what do you think is wrong with the still decorated citizens of Stuck-Up?